She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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