You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize