I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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