he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize