So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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