when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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