I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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