I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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