i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i drank out of a bidet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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