hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize