I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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