recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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