And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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