I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize