I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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