I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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