There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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