3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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