Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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