dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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