So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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