Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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