What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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