we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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