Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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