i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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