are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize