I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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