I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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