i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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