Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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