Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize