it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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