Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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