she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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