Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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