my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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