There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone came in the potted fern
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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