Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize