i jhust puked up my retainher.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize