I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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