Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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