it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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