I wanna bring you to show and tell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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