After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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