found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize