Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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