why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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