dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize