I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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